I wonder sometimes if I should just stop all this nonsense and just live my life…Yes, I know I have alot of problems with my complications from Gastric Bypass, but I can’t help but wonder if I just need to not worry about all of it and enjoy my life…

I know I need my vitamins to be able to function, but I’m so over Doctors using me as their personal guinea pig…Yes, they need to figure out what is wrong when they have no clue, but the financial burden that I’m causing is so not worth it…

If something major is going to happen, maybe I don’t want to know about it…Let’s just see where it leads me for a little while…

Maybe the meaning of my journey is that this whole experience that I’m having at this moment is that life is so much bigger then me…Since I can’t change or reverse what I did to myself I might as well enjoy it the best as I can…And still be honest about this surgery and it’s impact on me and my family…But most of all you only get one chance to make your life memorable and I hope I have touched people’s hearts with my presence…

Today I went out with a very good friend and it was just nice to get out and be in the real world and not think about me for once…

My friend said that for everything that I have gone through that I look very well, and that was such a nice compliment but again I didn’t want to think about me…I wanted to hear about her and only her…

I don’t want to be a burden to my friends…I know they are only concerned about me but I don’t want to be the “Sick Friend”…I want to be the healthy funny girl I used to be…Which I do miss alot…

Some friends have said your still the same person…But I’m not, I’m a more fragile and have to be a dependent person..And that was never my intention to do that with my husband or friends…I always was this independent person who liked to do things for herself and always said I would never have a man to take care of me…Where am I at now a girl who is dependable on a man…Some may say I should be thankful and don’t get me wrong I am, but I would like to contribute something to this world…I’m just to tired at the moment to do that…

I miss the old me…

Well I have been so worried lately about my Low blood sugar and making sure that it is stable all the time, Which means I’m always eating, even if it’s a small amount…

Now it seems like when they did my blood work that my potassium is a little low…it would explain why I’m having leg cramps so bad, but I just assumed that it was due to my low blood sugar…Come to find out it’s another problem and it’s like really, I take vitamins, orange juice and eat all kinds of fruits high in potassium how can this be??

I’m totally at a loss for words…Granted my body is very different it seems from normal people…I guess I have never been normal and never will…I would really like someone to help me figure out why I don’t absorb things easily even through liquids…I know I’m’ not the only one who has problems like this, I just wish people would share and we can unite and find an answer…Maybe it’s not to late for me to go back to Medical school…

I have been having alot of issues again health wise as some of you might know about and it’s getting old and tiring…LOL…

They found out that I have low blood sugar but since I had my seizure they want me to do a CT scan just to make sure nothing else is wrong with me…And at this point, I really don’t care anymore…I mean if there is something else, do I want to know cause then there will be more test and sticking needles in me that I just don’t want…Am I wrong about feeling this way…I just get so tired of having to think about me and how I’m doing…That wasn’t the deal with this surgery…I was suppose to be healthy…

Honestly I try to stay as positive as I can be and keep upbeat for my husband and friends…I mean come on how can I be “tired ” all the time, right…But I am…And I feel so guilty when they ask how I’m doing, cause it’s not fair to them either…

So here I go and get stick like a pin cushion again…”Smiling”

People want to know if I would do this surgery again…

My honest answer would be NO…Why you ask…If you have read “My Story” on the front of the website then you would understand it’s been one complication after another…

I would not have chosen this life for me or my husband…It’s not a way to live life, I want to enjoy being skinny and I never really have gotten too…When they figure out one problem another arises…Do I feel sad most days, yes…How is this living my life to the fullest…

I don’t want others to go down this path in their life…I can’t glamorize something that I don’t feel is right…I think there are other choices out there, but I also can’t make people go down that path…

All I can do is share what I have gone through and hope that people will listen…