Today was a very hard day for me…My mother had to go into the hospital and I didn’t know what to do, since she is 6 hours away…That is one thing that I hate about being an only child…I feel like I can’t help her or my dad, and that bothers me more then anything…

I had a moment of weakness when I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a candy bar that was in my pantry and ate it…I guess I still turn to food for comfort, which I don’t want to do…I felt disgusted with myself for eating it and angry that I would do that after all I went through and then it struck me that I will always be an addict that is never truly recovered…And when something this upsetting happens I turn to my friend again which makes me feel good at the time and it’s food…And I should know better…I can’t torture my body like this, I went through to much to do it…But it will always be a struggle for me everyday…

I fell off the wagon today but I will turn that wagon over and remember to have self control…

I have been doing alot of thinking in the past weeks…And I’m just so tired of having to do IV nutrients treatments every 4-6 months for 5 days straight…Now let me remind you that not only is it a pain in the ass but I have very tiny veins…When you look at my arms all you see is little bright blue veins that look like a big spider web…I just don’t know why I couldn’t have been born with good healthy veins…Oh yes, that would make my life easier…

So on my path of saying I’m tired of this, I started researching Herbal Medicines…Actually my best friend Dianne came up with the idea several months ago, but I just thought yeah right I have tried everything known to man, why would this work…Basically I blew it off…

I found a Herbal Vitamin shop and thought why not go in and see what they have to say to me…Well when I walked in I saw all those Protein drinks on the wall and thought they are going to tell me what I already know…But I was wrong…I met this nice man who totally understood how our stomachs work…That right there hooked me, cause not alot of normal people understand what we go through…So I described to him how I can not absorb anything vitamin wise in a pill or liquid form and have tried all different kinds even the ones made for bariatric patients…And he told me I wouldn’t cause there are alot of additives that makes it hard to digest even for normal folks…

Well you ask me what he suggested, that was plant based herbal vitamins…Why plant base you might ask, well as he told me it is already broken down to it’s natural state and when I take it, it gets easily digested…And it has very high levels of our daily values that we need…Yeah, I was skeptical at first but thought why not…I bought it and for the past week I have been putting it in juice cause it’s thick and smells horrible but when you put it into pineapple juice you don’t taste a thing…And I have to say the only time I feel this good is when I have my IV treatments…

Tomorrow I was supposed to go into the hospital to have my treatments but I called and canceled…I think after trying everything under the sun that I may have found my own solution…

Today was my day to visit with the Endocrinologist…At first I was going to cancel cause I just didn’t want another Doctor looking at me and just guessing what is wrong or hey lets try this out…And I’m at the point that I’m so tired of it all…

I decided that I better go ahead and get this over with since my sugar has been giving me some awful fits lately…I can’t even go 1/2 hour without it going up or down…And I needed this to be over with…Granted it can be worse, but basically I’m tired of thinking of me…

So I went in and they did my blood pressure and at first like usual they couldn’t get it and she kept looking at me like what is going on with you…But finally after her 3rd time she got it and it was 102/60 and she looks at me and goes does it ever get any higher…I just started laughing and going it is higher, cause I’m extremely nervous being here…I hate the thought of needles, which I think the majority of us do…And gratefully I didn’t have to have blood drawn, even though he said I looked pale…

Well the Doctor came in and he had my files in his hand and said that going over everything he thinks I don’t have low blood sugar…And I was like that is what I have been trying to say to everyone, cause it goes up high and then low…He explained to me that this is normal for alot of RNY patients that since we bypass so much that the stomach sometimes lets the food get into the pancreas and then it starts producing insulin…Which who knows if that is true or not, cause you can quote me I’m no doctor…But he said that I needed to start taking Miglitol(alpha-glucosidase inhibitor) which acts by inhibiting the ability of the patient to breakdown complex carbohydrates into glucose…Well if that will work and help keep my sugar levels at normal then I’m all for it…He suggested that I take this pill 3 times a day with all the major meals and then eat 3 snacks without the pill…I’m like that is so much food that I wouldn’t be able to do it..But once he gave me this list it’s for smaller meals and then like 5 grapes or something in between and lots of exercise…Did I have Gastric Bypass surgery or what, it seems like I’m starting a whole new regimen…

So today I went and picked it up at Walgreen’s and took it with my first meal and ever since my sugar today has been stable…Now if it will stay that way we will just have to see…But I’m hoping with all hope that it will work…

But on a side note, he told me this…
I take a pill form of 50,000 IU of Vitamin D and Liquid Vitamin D-3 and I take the pill once a week and when I take it I need to take something that is fatty so that way since it’s fat soluble it helps the fat to digest the pill…

Thank you for reading and letting me ramble…More updates coming soon…

My husband and I have been approved to purchase a new house and we have found one that we are getting ready to move into at the end of October …I didn’t really realize or have forgotten how much work it’s going to be…

I will give you a little background info on this…We have not lived in a house for almost 10 years because we had a house back home that we lived in but when we moved we decided to rent it out instead and never made our dream come true of owning another home…

Apartment living for us has been just fine but in late May we learned that the house we owned burned down to the ground…Thankfully no one got hurt but it was a blessing in disguise for us, cause we were now free to purchase another home…

I’m grateful that I have a mother that is willing to come down to help me pack otherwise it would take me a whole month to do it…LOL…

Last night I got to go see the Broadway play Wicked…What can I say about it, there are no words to describe how wonderful it was…If you have never seen a play or this one, you need to go…It was an experience that I will always remember and I’m hooked…I was like were do I get season tickets at now…

One of the most memorable moments last night wasn’t the play it was that I didn’t trip and fall in my 4 inch heels that I decided to wear for the first time…Tami(good friend) just kept telling me to walk slow and graceful…And I’m like you know me, I’m not graceful…LOL…

But right as we walked into the hall it was captivating, they had this big dragon up on the ceiling that would blow smoke out of it’s nose and it’s eyes would go red…Then the orchestra started playing relaxing music to get people in the mood per sa…And people started filing into their seats with little children and you could tell that last night all of us became kids again with all the excitement that we were about to see…Tami and I ventured to our seats which were really good seats(thanks honey), we were right smacked in the middle, so we could see everything…

Again words are at a loss for me, how can I describe to you how wonderful these actors and actress performed…The voices that they had were unbelievable, I haven’t heard anything like that in such a long time and with a town filled with musicians that says alot…And the production set was so colorful, that it made it seem like you were in Oz yourself…That this magical place actually existed…

I will not ruin it by telling you all the deets, but I don’t think movies will ever do it for me anymore…A movie can’t hold a candle to the realism of a live performance…And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, take the opportunity to go see one and you will be hooked right from the start…

Berrigirl