Some days I just don’t feel like getting on that damn treadmill and working out, unfortunately I can hear it calling out my name…Those days I just want to tell it to shut the hell up every time I walk pass the room…But I don’t, cause there is a big part of me that thinks if I don’t then I will start slacking off and my weight might creep back on again…Even with my stomach hurting for some weird reason and whatever is going on in that department, I really don’t want to think about it at the moment..I hop on the treadmill and end up doing 1.5 miles…Do I like to do this, again my answer is no but I need to do this for myself…I need to remind myself that I’m worth it and deserve to look and feel better about myself…And that is something that I’m not very good at…

I went to the Doctor yesterday and I haven’t felt like writing or talking to anyone actually..And your probably wondering “why” will first of all, I don’t like feeling like a sideshow exhibit…They had a nurse from Vanderbilt that was at my hospital shadowing my Doctor and he asked me if I minded having her come in and see me since I’m pretty much a medical mystery…Boy did she get an eye full…When they were trying to get me some blood out of my finger to see how my sugar was and it took forever…Then you have that nurse standing over me going Oh my God she doesn’t bleed and her pulse is only 60…Ok so I’m practically a walking dead girl, but that is a whole different issue…So next we were talking about my circulation problems and guess what he said it was…Ding Ding he said Neuropathy…Yeah do I really believe it, I don’t know..I mean I can see his point since I have problems nutrient wise, but I just don’t know…His answer was that I could have a neurologist poke me with pins to check the nerves, and no was my answer…He never really gave me a solution what to do about it besides we need to do your IV treatments..Yeah, I know that and it’s set up already…Then to top it all off I had to get alot of blood work and guess what they screwed it up and I have to go back tomorrow…I only have one good vein so good luck trying to find one tomorrow…Sorry I don’t mean to vent but just so you know why I haven’t been around like I typically am..I don’t want to have a pity party for myself so I’m not..I’m cleaning house instead…Takes your mind off of things…

Your probably wondering why I titled the blog “Afraid of the truth” and this is why…I did it for all the non believers out there who have just had Weight Loss Surgery…I know that sounds mean, but if you think about it people who give us a hard time are people who are afraid that if we exist then it can possibly happen to them as well…I mean when I first was thinking of having this surgery I can plainly remember the Doctor saying that there are people out there that will be saying negative stuff but don’t believe them cause it’s not going to happen to you…Boy, those words come back and slap me in the face hard…Maybe if I took the time to find out what was wrong with people and why they were saying things that they were..They weren’t doing it to be mean, they were trying to protect me from a future that I might have..I was too stubborn to think that it wouldn’t cause why would it..The doctor said it wouldn’t and if anything it’s such a small percentage wise that it couldn’t…How I would like to apologize to people I made fun of and say that they didn’t do something right…If only I knew…

Ask yourself something do you think we like airing our dirty laundry per sa?? The answer would be NO…All we want to do is inform you with as much information as possible, cause trust me we don’t want you to go through what we are…But if you do, you and your doctor have a place to go and see if that person has found a solution or still looking for one…

I’m posting pictures to show you that I don’t like getting stuck with a needle all the time for my nutrients but again I don’t absorb anything…And the next person who says well your a success my response is going to be NO I’m not truly a success cause I don’t absorb…

We all know that I have been having issues with my sugar…It was fluctuating really low…Well now it’s getting high for me and it’s ranging in the 170-220 and now they are thinking that I might have diabetes…My Endo. Nurse last week asked me if I had it before my surgery and I told her no, that they checked it before hand…And of course I think if I had it then I would know way before now…But wait, isn’t Weight Loss surgery suppose to cure Diabetes not make you have it…Another medical mystery I might have on my hands..So if I have it, then I guess Bariatric Doctors are in for a rude awakening…

Keep you posted on my ever changing body…LOL…