Today was a very hard day for me…My mother had to go into the hospital and I didn’t know what to do, since she is 6 hours away…That is one thing that I hate about being an only child…I feel like I can’t help her or my dad, and that bothers me more then anything…
I had a moment of weakness when I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a candy bar that was in my pantry and ate it…I guess I still turn to food for comfort, which I don’t want to do…I felt disgusted with myself for eating it and angry that I would do that after all I went through and then it struck me that I will always be an addict that is never truly recovered…And when something this upsetting happens I turn to my friend again which makes me feel good at the time and it’s food…And I should know better…I can’t torture my body like this, I went through to much to do it…But it will always be a struggle for me everyday…
I fell off the wagon today but I will turn that wagon over and remember to have self control…
We all fall off the wagon now and again, but you’ve written about something important that is a key component as to why sometimes we do. It’s called “emotional eating” and even I am entirely guilty of this. It starts by feeling blue over situations that much as we’d like to control them, they control us. What was our mechanism for coping before? Food! Less now than before but it still haunts us from time to time. Don’t look at it as “fail” but rather as “opportunity” because you’ve figured out why and what set you off to do it. My weakness at these times are hershey hugs and white chocolate, followed by hours of being sick. Ugh. Many times have I had to pick up (a few hours later) and resolve to try harder. We all have our *off* days, we do, and thank you for sharing this story. It speaks to the “mental” portion of why we eat and what our “triggers” are. Again, I hope Mom does better soon, and yes, it sucks even being approximately 30 minutes (in my case) from Mom should something go wrong with her or my dad. They’re challenging to me health wise, and I wish at times I had them back with me at my house so I could control what and when Mom was eating (she’s diabetic) and I had her dropping all sorts of weight and the blood sugar issue under control. Now she’s all sorts of nuts now and won’t let me go shopping with her at times, because as she’s throwing in all the sugar laden junk, I’m tossing it back out. She hasn’t quite figured that one out yet.
*hugs*
Thank you for commenting on this…
What you said as well hit the button on so many of us…We turn to food and I will be honest and say Yes I struggle still even after 6 years…I’m not perfect…And sometimes I think we feel that we have to be perfect, which none of us are…
Parents are another story in itself sometimes…
Giving you”hugs”…
It’s like any addiction, one can expect relapses. The success isn’t in never relapsing — it’s in limiting the damage of a relapse and jumping right back on program. So, you are a success.