A Spouses Perspective

I thought that when my wife made the decision to have gastric bypass that it was going to be the best thing for her. We had been married for about 5 years and I had seen her struggle with her weight since we had been married and I know that it had also been an issue for most of her life. We did plenty of research before the surgery and felt like she would be a good candidate to have it. We were made to feel very comfortable of our decision by her surgeon and the staff at the weight loss clinic. So after much thought and research we decided to go through with it, it was a decision that would change not only her life but my life as well. I thought that this surgery would be great for my wife; it would help her confidence and make her feel better about herself. I was not prepared for the mess that came along with the surgery such as how my marriage was now put into jeopardy because my wife could now freely go out on any given night and finds a man to pay attention to her. Before the surgery men would not pay her much attention because of her size. I did not realize how much I would have to step up my game just to keep my wife interested in being married and not exploring her new life…

She had the surgery and it was a success. About 6 months after the surgery she began talking about how she was not happy with being married and did not know if she wanted to stay together. I was stunned. I thought our marriage was strong and that things were going well but I didn’t realize that my wife was so unhappy. This was a shock to me because we had never had any huge arguments and had never had any conversations about her unhappiness. I never realized that when she had this surgery that it would force her to face her demons that she had been masking with food for so many years. Now that she was thin she was getting the attention that she had craved for so many years. I always loved my wife; from the moment we started dating to when she was at her heaviest to the time she told me she was not sure she wanted to stay married. It was an emotional rollercoaster that I don’t think either of us could have predicted. She now had all of these people paying attention to her and it made her wonder if the grass could be greener with someone else.  It was a whirlwind of emotions that she now had to face. I tried to be understanding of her feelings. I can understand how you could have such low self esteem about yourself for so long and now everyone seemed to be interested in you. But after she began to think about these people who were showing interest, she realized that these people were not interested in her before why would they be now? Is it because they wanted to get to know her as a person or were they attracted to the body that she now possesses.  There were many tears shed not only by me but by her, as she was confused with all of this new found attention. She still loves to have people look at her in that way… I think we all do, but she has realized  that her husband is here for her through thick and thin, good times and bad and she is not willing to lose that for a fling or for what seems to be someone who is interested in her. She realized she has had that the whole time…
Another part of this surgery that I was not prepared for was the part where she is sick all of the time. I thought she is going to be thin and have all of this energy and want to go out and do things… Boy was I wrong, it was the total opposite. She got to the point that she was physically drained all of the time because her body was lacking vitamins and nutrients that it needed. I got really frustrated at the situation because I felt like I had to do everything, work my 40+ hours a week, come home cook dinner, clean, do laundry, and take care of our animals and so on… I began to get mad at her because she was not helping around the house and to me she looked fine. That is when I had to stop and listen to her, she was telling me she was exhausted and all I could do was look at her appearance and think she was fine. What a jerk I was…
All I can say looking at this experience is that you both really need to be prepared for all of the changes that are about to happen, doctors cannot prepare you for what lies ahead, you must have a strong relationship and be understanding of each other. Sometimes that isn’t even enough but it is something you must be prepared for.What I really have to say is GOOD LUCK with the journey for both the surgery patient and the spouse that is now dealing with a new life…

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